Epiphany

I took my first antidepressant yesterday. I also marked the lintel of our front doorframe with the letters C, M, and B, the traditional initials of the Magi who journeyed from far-off lands to worship the Christ Child. It seems fitting, I suppose, that those two...

Back from the Brink

I think – I am cautiously hopeful – that I’m coming back from wherever it is I’ve been this past month. I’m not exactly sure where I was or why I went there, but I’m pretty sure postpartum hormones and six months of sleep...

Fear Not

On Sunday, our children’s minister preached at church. She talked about faith and fear. She asked where in our lives are we living in fear instead of faith. I asked, Where in my life am I not living in fear? I am afraid we will never pay off the hospital bills...

Food for Jackals

Used to be, when Jack was a baby, and Jane too, that I lived with near-constant anxiety. I woke up in the morning with a weight of anxiety on my chest, I carried it around with me all day, and I went to bed with it at night. Sometimes it was physically difficult to...

Fleeing Ahead

A few weeks ago at church, I was chatting with a friend and her oncologist husband. He noticed a rash on my arm and neck and said, “You know, sometimes people get a rash like that when they have a low platelet count.” I brushed it off, saying I’d had a rash much like...