As you’ll read below, I’m taking a blogging break through Pentecost (May 19).
Dear friends,
Here in the middle of Lent, I find myself exhausted and shattered. I look in the mirror, and I see…ugly. It’s deeper than my cracked and blemished skin. It’s my cracked and blemished soul; it’s the words that rise up from that broken place within that have broken me these past weeks.
For Lent, I embraced the practice of speaking only kind words, only true words. I knew it would be hard. I had no clue how hard. Every day, I have failed. Every hour of every day, except when I’m sleeping, I have failed. And even when my words are okay, my tone is not. It cuts—and I’m the one who’s bleeding most.
As I struggle my way through this Lenten practice of watching my tongue, I’ve found it increasingly difficult to write. Perhaps that’s because of this practice; or perhaps it’s because I feel tired and tattered; or perhaps it’s simply because I am giving so much all the time (there are these four kids in my life, after all, and they need me), and I am depleted.
Whatever the reason, I am going to take these next weeks to sit with my thoughts and with God without any pressure to publish. I am, in other words, taking a break from blogging. A long one: until Pentecost. It scares me, for many reasons, this letting go of my blog for so long, but that’s partly why I feel it’s the right thing to do. At the very least, it feels like something I need to do. To let myself rest and read and write without having to write anything decent, let alone good.
I want to say a deep and heartfelt thank you to each of you who visit my site each week. That you would spend time reading what I write—this is a gift to me. You are the reason I have hung on here as long as I have. Thank you.
With deepest gratitude,
Kimberlee
P.S. I have commitments to other sites each month (Godspace, A Deeper Church, and Tweetspeak Poetry), and I will continue to uphold those, so if you really want to, you can catch up with me there. I may or may not crosspost those links from here when they go live, but at the very least I’ll retweet or share them on Twitter and Facebook.
I huggle you!
You aren’t alone in these struggles. <3
I don't know how you mange to write as often as you do and also be teacher and parent and wife and all the stuff that entails! That's a lot!
It's a relief to read your words because I've been hateful to myself, saying, "I bet no one else wakes up angry about the early hour. Stupid self, why can't you be of better cheer, thankful for your blessings? Unloved self, why didn't you think to speak those words of encouragement to that person? You missed an opportunity! Selfish self, act happier, be more encouraging to your family, give more, do more, write more, work more, produce more, cook more, smile more, hug more, laugh more, nourish more, listen better, call your second cousin more, send more gifts, send that baby card, gift more, clean more, wipe those crumbs, dust that ledge, care less about money, sweep those leaves, plant more flowers, speak softer!"
And don't get me started about the mirror . . .
We probably just need to sleep more.
We'll miss you around here! It's OK to do less. Way, way, way less. Radically less. The life-giving things will fill the space you create.
Love and hugs.
You will most definitely be missed – but you GO girl in this time set aside for doing life a little differently. Looking forward to the results.
Thank you, Diana. I myself am a little scared to see the results (because what if there aren’t any?!?), but that just reminds me that I’ve been living in scarcity for too long, which is one of the many reasons why I need to take this break 🙂
I will miss my regular reads here but fortunately I get to see you with some regularity in person. I commend you for taking this break – I’ve often wondered how you keep all the balls in the air. Seems fine to drop this one for a time or all together if necessary. Blessings on the space this creates for you, Kimberlee!
Thank you, Glyn! I so appreciate your prayers for me over this past year.
Fully give yourself to sitting with your thoughts and God! I don’t know how any of us survive without feeling tattered in this age when there is such a crush to pour everything outward to everyone…and to do it with profoundness and excellence. I’m in no way against “the age in which God has put me”…but it is a unique time and it presses constantly and harshly…a constant “audience”! When else in history was a woman not only dealing with all that it takes to make home and raise children…but also able/responsible to communicate with “the entire world” through the WWW? If Jesus, in His perfection, had to draw away from people and be with the Father to be able to minister and give…how much more us! As you spend time with Him, may he speak freedom and peace and love and strength into your soul and spirit. May He tenderly mend you, bruised reed, and root you in the soil of healing. You are doing as He said to do, waiting in prayer for the rush of that Pentecost wind and fire…our true source of life and healing and wisdom and comfort.
Know that we are blessed by you and your words…but you belong to Him first, not us. Turn your face to Him and be richly blessed and deeply filled!
That is so beautiful, Cathy! It made me cry.
Oh, Cathy, thank you for these words! Thank you for giving me permission–and blessing!–to take space to withdraw for a time. I know I need to, but you’re right: we live in an age of now and hurry and overwhelming everything. Part of this break is for me to get back in touch with what GOD is calling me to do and be, rather than what all the voices in my head and on the net are demanding of me. Thank you for these words that articulated that for me when I could not yet articulate it myself.
Warmly,
Kimberlee
Kimberlee- So thankful that God in his mercy shows us how much we need to sabbath in Him…I affirm your courage to take a break…God loves, accepts, values and affirms us…and that’s enough…I appreciate your heart and your honesty and your vulnerability gives me courage to cut back on trying so hard…and giving myself permission to “be” more than spinning all the time…will be praying for you as you continue your Lenten journey in peace…
Dear Kel–thank you for these words of affirmation. Sabbath. I hadn’t thought of this break in those terms, but that’s exactly what I need here. A rest. A full stop. A time to remember that God is God and I am…me. And as a creature, I need to rest. Let’s both of us stop trying so hard and learn to lean on those everlasting arms that uphold all that is…so we don’t have to…because we can’t, anyway 🙂 Blessings upon you as you let yourself simply be. And thank you for your prayers. I am so grateful to be part of a people who pray.
The first time I come to your blog you are on a break! 🙂 It sounds like you are doing the right thing for you. It is easy to lose control of ourselves when we are worn or tired, so I love that you are taking time to regroup. See you when you get back! (I found you via Tweetspeak, btw.)
So I guess it’s not just me. We haven’t managed to be well since Christmas. And my ankle still isn’t right. So why am I expecting to have kept up with all the usual stuff? You’re right and setting a good example. Thanks. much love,