I had no idea I was this tired.
On Wednesday, I left Seattle at noon and flew to San Antonio, where I met up with the neuroscientist and would-be comedian John Medina for a hilarious and enlightening two-hour ride out to Laity Lodge, deep in the heart of Texas.
We got to the lodge around ten, and I went straight to my room, unpacked my things, and read Evening Prayer. When I fell into bed, the clock on the nightstand read 11:08.
Next morning, I woke with a start when a key rattled in my bedroom door. I leaped out of bed. The door opened a few inches, a voice called from down the corridor, and the door fell shut. I heard footsteps padding away from my room and heaved a relieved sigh that I hadn’t been caught sleeping so late.
I knew it was late because sunshine streamed through the curtains, but I had no idea how late until I looked at the clock. It read 11:08. And it was not broken. I know. I checked.
After lunch, I came back to my room and read for a bit. I still felt tired, so I lay down, just for a few minutes, and woke up almost three hours later. I felt annoyed. I’d come to the retreat a day early so I could acclimate myself to the Lodge and write. Instead all I’d manage to do was sleep.
Thursday evening, after dinner and the plenary session, I came back to my room and got ready for bed. Even though I was still tired, I decided I’d write my Friday blog post before turning in for the night, so it would be ready to publish first thing in the morning. I opened Diary of an Old Soul; George MacDonald nearly always gives me good words to ponder and chew. The verse for September 27 read:
On, eager, hungry, busy-seeing child,
Rise up, turn round, run in, run up the stair.
Far in a chamber from rude noise exiled,
Thy father sits, pondering how thou dost fare.
The mighty man will clasp thee to his breast:
Will kiss thee, stroke the tangles of thy hair,
And lap thee warm in fold on fold of lovely rest.”
I blinked. I read the words again, lingering on the final three lines, then on the last line. Thoughts of my blog post flitted through my head, and as if in answer, a still, small voice said, It can wait. It can wait.
I shut the book, turned out the light, and crawled into bed. Pulling the white sheet and coverlet up over my chest, I closed my eyes and imagined being lapped warm in fold on fold of lovely rest. The dark room went darker still, and I slept.
Florilegium comes from two Latin words, meaning flower (flor) and gather (legere). Legere is closely related to the Latin word for reading (lectio). So a florilegium is literally a gathering of the flowers of reading: a collation of the best words, the best books.
I hope you’ll come by every Friday to gaze on some beautiful heart-mind-and-soul flowers. (And stop in at Susan’s, too, for another bouquet).
Kimberlee, when I was at Laity a year ago for the writer’s retreat, I came away with the sense that I’d never known a truer rest than I’d had those few days in the canyon. I, too, had no idea I was so tired.
I can still feel the rest over these many months. Glad you are there to take it in.
I’m so glad I’m here to take in all this beauty and rest, too. And grateful to be surrounded by all these other writers. Such gift!
I love the George MacDonald quotation. I have loved picturing you writing in Texas for the past few days. The photos are great to help us picture you there.
I read that quotation on Thursday night, Lynne, and I almost fell out of my chair 🙂 MacDonald’s words were such a gracious, gentle way to end my day of rest.
Laity Lodge is beautiful, a dry, wild, rugged sort of beauty very different from the Northwest, but beautiful all the same. And the people are…in a word, wonderful: so gracious and generous. I feel so grateful to have been here these five days!
Smiling~Rest, yes. So thankful you received the beauty God had for you in every way. I recently read (where? no current recollection) that our rest is a form of worship. That comforted me. Also, I hope to visit Laity Lodge someday:)
Amy, hi! So good to hear from you!
“Our rest is a form of worship.” I like that. Thank you for sharing it with me!
And if you ever get a chance to go to Laity Lodge, I’d highly recommend it: beautiful place and beautiful people.
Love the quotation, Kimberlee. Your smile is a gift. Thank you for sharing it. It contributed to the atmosphere of rest so may of us needed. Peaceful, conveying….we are all okay just as we are…and let’s find out together a little bit of what we are becoming.
I love that you shared the result of a workshop assignment!
Wow, Marilyn, thank you. I had no idea my smile was such a vehicle for communication. I’m going to have to harness that 🙂
I echo Marilyn here – your smile IS a gift. And I’m so glad you got all that delicious rest – just exactly what a mom of 4 little ones needs. So delighted to get to meet you…
It was lovely to meet you, too, Diana. And I love your word for rest here: delicious. Mmm, it was 🙂