Last Friday, Doug brought in the mail when he got home from work. There was a letter from my publisher.
As I picked it up, I looked at Doug and said sadly, “They’re taking my book out of print.”
He said, “You haven’t even opened it.”
I didn’t have to. I’d been waiting for this letter since I got my royalty statement in November. I’m guessing they wanted to wait through Advent to see if book sales picked up any with the beginning of a new church year. Apparently they didn’t.
I read the letter and cried.
But honestly, even though I feel sad, I mostly feel like this is really distant from my current life, like the woman who wrote that book is a different person from the woman who spends her days breastfeeding twins, changing diapers, patting bums, and trying to keep herself from falling apart in front of her older kids.
I suppose that is a mercy, though I feel sad that I am not mourning the death of this book more deeply. I feel it deserves that, at least. I wish I had the emotional energy to grieve this loss. I expect I will, eventually.
In the meantime, I will go feed another baby, change another diaper, pat another bum, and try not to fall apart.
I’m so sorry, dear one.
Even though we have never met I feel some sort of kinship with you my friend and I felt sad with/for you upon reading this.
My days too are full of diapers, feeding children, homework, playing, cooking, etc and I often wonder where the Esther from days past by has gone. I’m in the process of finding her. I hope you can find rest and peace today – even if just for a moment.
I just finished your lovely book this weekend, Kimberlee! It was thoughtful and full of insights. *I’m* keeping my copy handy, even if the thought of adding anything -even important things- into our family life seems impossible right now. There is a season for everything, friend. I dream of returning to favorite hobbies and expect God will grant me that time again, one day. Maybe your book returns to print someday, or maybe it becomes THE most sought after item on e-bay. You never know. 😉
My family has a copy of your book. We used it to inform our Advent, Christmas and Epiphany practices, and we look forward to using it throughout this year. I’m very sorry it’s going out-of-print, but I’m also very thankful for you and your book – for the rhythms and practices and presence you are helping us to establish. Grace and peace (and sleep) to you.