Are you pregnant? Are you walking around on skinny, bony ankles that are no longer big enough to support your frame?

Well, have no fear. The solution is at hand. It’s called…The Cankle!

Straight from the pages of Fat Pregnancy, this brand spanking new invention is half-calf, half-ankle: it extends your calf straight down to the bottom of your foot and is therefore far stronger and sturdier than those flimsy ankle bones you’ve been sporting for years.

How, you ask, can you get one? Well, I happen to have a brand new pair – just got them this week! – and out of the goodness of my heart, I will lend them to the first person to respond to this post.

In fact, I am so impressed with this new development in my pregnancy that I will happily give my cankles away. And you can keep them. Forever. Really.

I don’t want them back.